It’s the week after a muddy cross race, things are a little slow at work, the perfect time to get some bike maintenance done! You get all your tools set out only to discover… your bottom bracket is feeling crunchy! Time to pull that sucker apart! Only, you’re not sure exactly how to do that. So, being the wide-eyed and affable person you are, you decide to do what any good teammate would do and ask your friends for advice in the team’s gear-focused Slack channel. There’s just one problem. It’s Friday afternoon and nobody wants to do any work.

Here are the stages of fixing a bottom bracket, according the TBD Gear Slack channel, in 193 easy messages.

1. Tag the relevant person

In this case, Clay. Tag someone you think will have a pretty good idea of how to do the thing you’re trying to accomplish. Be concise and thread your request for help.

2. Establish the type of seal you have on the bearing.

Begin the conversation in good faith, use photographs to help! Here, we have a cartridge bearing with a removable seal.

3. Remove the outer ring between work calls

This can be done in a fun, conversational way!

4. More opinions will begin to trickle in. Helpful!

This tiny snowball has started to roll. You don’t know it, but it’s already too late. This bottom bracket is getting fixed– but at what cost?

5. Loam.

Loam.

6. Remove the rubber seal to expose the bearings.

A penknife or a razor will work just fine for this. Try not to damage the rubber though.

7. Things fall apart; the center cannot hold

Things will begin to disintegrate at this point. It’s important to power through. only you can accomplish this task now. Your significant other may even begin to update the team on your progress in parallel, you’re doing great though.

8. DO NOT PULL THE BALLS OUT

9. The vibe is in shambles.

10. Abandon hope.

11. Acceptance

Carefully clean the inside, spray with alcohol to evaporate any remaining water and apply grease liberally. Have a shower and reconsider your life choices, you’ve done well today champ, we’re all very proud of you.