In the early months of 2020, deep in the throes of endless Zwift racing, the team would often chat about what racing would look like when (or if) it ever returned. Would everyone take up the much more chill discipline of gravel racing? Would gran fondos pick up in popularity? Would sanctioned road racing die entirely? 

I didn’t really question this much for myself. I was certain that I’d jump right back into racing once it started up again. 2019 had been my busiest season: I’d started racing road in addition to track and cross and filled my schedule as much as possible – Tuesday at Floyd or T-Town, Wednesday at Kissena Twilight Series and Prospect Park on the weekend. I loved meeting new people and learning about strategy, but mostly, I liked the feeling of doing well in a race. I was extremely results-oriented and wanted to cat up as quickly as possible. 

When racing returned last spring, I expected to pick up right where I left off. Instead, I found myself struggling to remember what I liked about this sport. The road season became a series of unfortunate events, starting with a crash that led to a concussion and culminating in an ill-advised stage race where I lost all motivation midway through stage two and DNF’d due to lack of interest. Cross season was not much better: I kept stubbornly pushing myself to race despite the growing feelings of dread and anxiety every time I lined up at the start. By the end of the year, I was done. Full on burnt out, even though I hadn’t raced all that much.

But I know, I know, you came here for a race report. I mean, look at all these awesome pictures of people racing in Prospect Park on a lovely spring morning! But those people racing did not include me. I was on the sidelines heckling my teammates and enjoying my extra hour of sleep. I apologize that I don’t have a race report for you. Instead, I have a not-so-hot take: it’s okay not to race sometimes! I’m trying to do things differently this year.

If I want to avoid burnout and stay in this sport for the long haul, there will be some days where I wake up, shake my head and skip straight to the post-race coffee hangout. I may not be on a podium again for a while but that’s okay – I’d rather spend time outside, going fast with friends. At my first race of the season a couple weeks ago, I did exactly that: I lined up with ten teammates and felt none of the usual pre-race nerves, just the joy of being surrounded by familiar faces and riding bikes on a beautiful morning.